This incident will be written from two perspectives; on the one hand I'll try to take responsibility for what I did, and on the other hand I'll try to (as kindly as I can) lampoon our ridiculous society.
Take 1, Scene 1:
My cousin and his black-American fiancée just came into the country from America, and I'm proudly showing them around Abuja:
"There are our tarred roads, solar-powered street lights, the National Assembly..."
All this while our American tourist is madly taking pictures like...a tourist.
Take 1, Scene 1:
My cousin and his black-American fiancée just came into the country from America, and I'm proudly showing them around Abuja:
"There are our tarred roads, solar-powered street lights, the National Assembly..."
All this while our American tourist is madly taking pictures like...a tourist.
Suddenly, we get pulled over at the National Assembly gate; security operatives confiscate the camera and show us where it is CLEARLY signed that photography is forbidden. I apologise because I failed to observe the postage-sized sign. Three hours later the photographs are deleted and we are allowed to leave.
Take 2, Scene 2:
My cousin and his black-American fiancée just came into the country from America, and I'm proudly showing them around Abuja: "There are our under-aged street hawkers, able-bodied beggars, high-tech speed bumps (an upgrade from conventional traffic lights at road intersections, mind), million-dollar mansions built by public officials earning hundred-dollar salaries, the National Assembly..."
Take 2, Scene 2:
My cousin and his black-American fiancée just came into the country from America, and I'm proudly showing them around Abuja: "There are our under-aged street hawkers, able-bodied beggars, high-tech speed bumps (an upgrade from conventional traffic lights at road intersections, mind), million-dollar mansions built by public officials earning hundred-dollar salaries, the National Assembly..."
All this while our American tourist is madly taking pictures like...a tourist.
Suddenly this white, German man in a Julius Berger truck runs us off the road in front of the National Assembly gate. As he makes to get away, I skillfully maneuver my car in front of his, and foil his escape.
He jumps out of his car, I jump out of mine. He starts beckoning security operatives over, I start vigourously abusing the idiot. He gets back into his car when I start to walk towards him. Now the road is completely blocked because, trust Nigerians, other drivers pull over to also abuse the German.
Mr. Berger tells an approaching policeman "Zey ver taking pictures" then zooms off.
“You saw what that Nazi tried to do, why did you let him leave?” I ask my Nigerian police officer.
"Na dem dey in charge of everything wey dey happen for inside Aso Rock; that na why e accost you."
Security HQ summons us, and we are told by well-mannered men in suits that tourists cannot take pictures of the White House, or of 10 Downing Street, so we must have known that we cannot take pictures of the National Assembly or the Villa.
When I counter that actually, you can take pictures of the White House, someone retorts:
“Well, in Nigeria, you cannot. Did you not see the signs on the road? It is a crime!”
Three hours later after endless phone calls and paperwork, the three (3) pictures are deleted, the camera returned, and we are warned NEVER to try this again, because next time we will be shown no mercy.
As we leave, one of our captors, a born-again pastor, tells my cousin's fiancée “I hope you enjoy your stay in Nigeria, it contains good people, and is a great nation.”
Apprehended by a German for taking pictures of my National Assembly, full of legislators and senators representing me...?
He jumps out of his car, I jump out of mine. He starts beckoning security operatives over, I start vigourously abusing the idiot. He gets back into his car when I start to walk towards him. Now the road is completely blocked because, trust Nigerians, other drivers pull over to also abuse the German.
Mr. Berger tells an approaching policeman "Zey ver taking pictures" then zooms off.
“You saw what that Nazi tried to do, why did you let him leave?” I ask my Nigerian police officer.
"Na dem dey in charge of everything wey dey happen for inside Aso Rock; that na why e accost you."
Security HQ summons us, and we are told by well-mannered men in suits that tourists cannot take pictures of the White House, or of 10 Downing Street, so we must have known that we cannot take pictures of the National Assembly or the Villa.
When I counter that actually, you can take pictures of the White House, someone retorts:
“Well, in Nigeria, you cannot. Did you not see the signs on the road? It is a crime!”
Three hours later after endless phone calls and paperwork, the three (3) pictures are deleted, the camera returned, and we are warned NEVER to try this again, because next time we will be shown no mercy.
As we leave, one of our captors, a born-again pastor, tells my cousin's fiancée “I hope you enjoy your stay in Nigeria, it contains good people, and is a great nation.”
Apprehended by a German for taking pictures of my National Assembly, full of legislators and senators representing me...?
Mxtcheeew
Only in Nigeria.
P.S.:
State Security people, I went online, and (shock! horror!!) found a couple of images of the Villa and National Assembly that have compromised our national security.
You need to shut the internet down!!!
Go! Go!! Go!!!
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